KidLead

At Home With Leadership Training

by Alan E. Nelson, Ed.D (As featured in Scoop Magazine, Jan-Feb 2010)

The best place to develop effective, ethical leaders is not Stanford’s Executive Program or similar high dollar, corporate training event.  It is actually in your home, while leaders are young and moldable.  And no other people have more influence in a young leader’s life than mom and dad. 

One way to do develop a young leader is to turn normal house chores into leadership projects.  A true leadership project has three components: a clear measurable goal, the child as leader, and at least two others on the team.  Cleaning her room and washing dishes teaches responsibility, but not leadership.  Instead, ask your daughter to “lead” dinner, deciding what and when the family will eat, who’ll do what in food preparation, table setting, and cleaning.  Everyone has a role.  Though simple, a project like this has all the basic elements of more complex leadership scenarios, such as decision making, conflict management, negotiation, role definition, and limited resources (i.e. time, help, food).

Another way to develop a young leader is to assist your son or daughter in leading a community project. Think of a potential community service topic that your young leader is passionate about, whether it’s animals, the homeless, poor people, or those who are physically challenged.  Find a local charity that aids this cause.  Let your young leader brainstorm ways of raising awareness and/or funds or needs for this agency.  It may be something like organizing a car wash, going door-to-door for canned goods, or doing garage sales of gathered items from friends and neighbors.  Consider letting the local media know in hopes of bringing awareness of this agency as well as inspiring others to donate time and money.

Great life skills are numerous but leading is about helping others to achieve together.  As a parent, create and take advantage of teachable moments on a regular and individualized basis.  These become fertile soil to instill both values and skills that will become a part of your young leader’s life for good. 

Joel Osteen Talks to KidLead

I was so blessed to have a dad who really believed in us as children.  He was constantly giving us opportunities to express ourselves and affirming our potential.  I was fortunate enough to build on the foundation he laid.  I think that’s an important thing that a parent can do for a child.

Leadership & The Pygmalion

One of the most startling and rewarding things witnessed by those using KidLead's LeadNow training program is a transformation in self-image.  Much of this has to do with the Pygmalion effect.  Pygmalion was a sculptor in Greek mythology, who created such a beautiful ivory statue of a woman that he fell in love with it.  The goddess of love transformed the sculpture into a live woman so that she and Pygmalion lived happily ever after.  The principle is that people strive to become as they are treated.  This is especially evident in training 10-13 year olds.  While parents tend to see their children as kids (with love), KidLead Trainers and Koaches usually don’t have the history of knowing the participants well and therefore have the opportunity to see them as leaders-in-waiting.  These preteens are called “Leaders” during the training and are responded to as if they are already leaders.  The result is a noticeable change in self-image and verbal content.  The point is that parents and teachers often get what they expect by failing to treat kids exhibiting leadership aptitude as leaders.  Society relegates these youth to activities that under-estimate their ability to lead and accomplish goals through others.  We assume leading is an adult activity.  One of the best things you can do for leadership development is change the way you think about young leaders.  This results in changing the way you treat them, which transforms how they think about themselves.

Tip: Student Government Ops In School  

A great way to provide leadership experience is through involvement in student government oriented programs in schools.  Here's some best practice advice to benefit your budding congress person.  When you talk to adult leaders, many of them report to being selected to student councils, as team captains, and club presidents.  Student leadership groups (i.e. student government) provide early formal opportunities for those with leadership aptitude to spread their wings.  Although peer elections commonly result in a confusion of leadership with popularity (see last month’s KidLead e-news on this), true leaders get tagged as well.  Here are 3 things parents can do to take advantage of these programs. 

1. See if your school has a student leadership program.  Many fly under the radar of students so they are unaware of opportunities to run for an office or the benefits.  Ask your child’s principal or counselor what your school has.  If nothing, offer to get something going.  For more info, go to www.nasc.us.

2. Encourage your budding leader to run for office.  Most schools with such programs have simple elections that include campaign posters and mini-speeches.  While you don’t want to force a child to run, parents and teachers who note leadership aptitude in a child often need to plant the idea instead of waiting for the child.  Most preteens and early teens are not overly self-aware, so they do not perceive themselves as leaders.

3. Offer positive assistance to the school advisor.  Most student council advisors are teachers who volunteer and/or are asked to serve in this capacity.  They frequently have low to no budgets or training.  Parents can offer to provide support, whether its assisting in funds, aligning local leaders to talk to or mentor these students, and becoming an advocate for this program on the PTA and in the community.

            Because formal leadership development opportunities for children and youth are very limited in society, parents and teachers should take advantage of programs like student government, where those with leadership aptitude can learn how to represent their peers as well as conduct themselves in influential roles.

Dr. John Maxwell Talks to KidLead 

John is a New York Times bestselling author and leadership guru.  Nancy Nelson, co-founder of KidLead, was hired by John years ago to serve on his leadership team.  He's also on KidLead's advisory board.  John shares some advice on parenting young leaders.

You can never start too young in teaching a child to lead.  My dad was profoundly influential in the leadership development of my brother and myself.  He not only modeled exceptional leadership, but he knew how to invest in us individually, to bring out what we needed. 

How Early Does Leadership Aptitude Emerge?  

When we think of leaders, we typically think of adults.  You'll hear parents say, "Someday, you're going to be a..."  But leadership aptitude emerges as early as preschool and before, if you know what you're looking for (1 minute).  Individuals with a strong aptitude for leading tend to exhibit those traits during early socializing.  This can take place among family, friends, and other gatherings where a child interacts with peers and at times older children and even adults.  We encourage you to use KidLead’s free, online leadership aptitude assessment called the Social Influence Survey.  It is perhaps the first diagnostic tool designed to measure leadership aptitude among kids.  Answer the 25 questions with your child in mind.  Parents receive an automated response that includes a summary and key for better understanding how the characteristics pertain to leadership aptitude.  While it can be funny as well as irritating when very young leaders try to influence others, it should be an indicator for parents to begin developing that ability constructively and preparing that leader for future and larger leading roles.  The book, “KidLead: Growing Great Leaders” is filled with practical ideas for doing this, so don’t wait until teen years or adulthood to begin developing a your leader’s latent potential.

Tip: Designing Community Service Events

If you want your child to learn leadership, community service is a great opportunity.  But merely helping someone in need doesn't really teach leadership.  To do that, you need to make sure 3 basic qualities are in the design.  (Read more HERE, 2 minutes read time.) 

            First, a leadership situation requires 3 or more people.  Merely taking your child to a homeless shelter or to do trash pick up isn’t really leadership.  There needs to be an opportunity to organize at least two or more people in a task.

            Second, a leadership situation needs to have a clear goal.  The mistake that many adults make, at least for preteens and older, is establishing the goal for the young leader.  Provide some ideas or basic parameters, but let the leader determine the project.  This creates ownership and fosters greater motivation to accomplish the task.  Adults can facilitate this, but not take over.

            Third, be sure to provide coaching that may involve facilitating an initial brainstorm of the goal, roles, strategies, and potential team members to recruit.  Check in periodically during the project to provide some accountability and visible support.  After the event, facilitate debriefing so that the leaders can reflect on what went well, what didn’t and what they might do differently next time.  Remember, don’t give answers; ask strategic questions.

            This summer, a group of 15 Leaders went through the LeadNow Blue Module in Monterey, CA.  During the training, they brainstormed possible leadership projects.  Due to the economic downturn, raising food for the needy took the highest priority.  A group decided to raise food for a Salvation Army distribution center.  Afterward, they met to strategize.  The KidLead Trainer selected an executive director and three team leaders, but other than that, the team worked autonomously.  The goal was for everyone to function as a leader in developing their own team.

            Vacations made the project challenging, but 8 of the Leaders followed through on the project.  Within a month, the team had gathered 1,500 pounds of food.  The Salvation Army center director was delighted, stating that at most they see a few individual bags come in during this time of year.  Three newspapers and two television stations came to cover the event.  The team members then served boxes of food to Seniors.  (Click HERE for a newspaper article link in the Monterey Herald.)

            The bottom line is that young leaders can do significant projects that transcend what most of us think.  Because they are too young to be hired, preteens can learn real-world leading through community service projects organized properly.  Plus, serving prepares leaders for a lifetime of giving-back to society. 

Stephen Covey's Son Talks to KidLead 

Sean Covey, the bestselling author of "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens" is the son of Stephen Covey.  KidLead caught up with him to see what his dad did while he was at home, to help him reach his leadership potential. (1 minute)

I had a feeling like Dad always had time for me.  I remember him calling the Utah Valley Athletic Association about a year in advance, to find out when all the high school football games would be so he could plan his schedule around my senior year of football.  The games weren’t even scheduled yet.  I remember thinking, “Wow, he cares a lot.” That was a great feeling.

            I remember calling him a lot when he was starting his new business, The Covey Leadership Center.  Anytime I called him, he’d drop whatever he was doing, whether it was a board meeting or talking to other people.  He’d always spend whatever time you needed.  You felt like you could interrupt at anytime.  You’d even talk with his staff and they’d say, “Oh yeah, Stephen’s told us, ‘family comes first’ and he’ll interrupt anytime at any issue to talk to family.”  It gave you a feeling of power that you could interrupt anytime and that you were important.

            Another thing is that he made us feel like we could do anything.  He’s constantly saying things such as, “You’d be a great student body president.” We’d say, “I’m not good at that kind of stuff.  It’d scare me to death.”  He’d say, “Oh you’d be great.  I can’t think of anyone better than you.”

            Dad would  say, “You’re really good at this kind of thing.  I see you as being someone who’s going to make a huge difference in the world.”  It’s not fake.  It’s genuine.  He sees where your talents and strengths are and paints a picture for what’s possible and makes you want to go for it.

What’s Your Child’s Leadership Aptitude?

Are leaders born or made?  The more practical question is, "How much aptitude does your child possess?"  This is an important question because if your child has aptitude, you need to intentionally develop it.  According to our findings, only about 10% of people have any given aptitude, which is basically an ability to learn a new skill easily and more rapidly than others.  While aptitude does not guarantee success, it highly improves the likelihood of it because success in learning enhances our willingness to practice that in turn gains the attention of others who affirm and enlist our talents.  This is supported in the new book, Outliers.  While everyone may be able to learn how to lead, those with natural aptitude seem to be between 10-20%.  These are what we may term organizational leaders, because of their ability to organize others toward a common goal.  By taking the Social Influence Survey, you can estimate your child’s aptitude.  This is a free, online service provided by KidLead.  Click HERE to complete an SIS on your child.

Scott Blanchard Talks to KidLead 

In our last issue of KidLead News & Tips, we included an interview with the famed author of The One Minute Manager and numerous other bestselling leadership books, Ken Blanchard.  But we talk to Ken's son, Scott, to ask him how his dad helped him learn leadership growing up. 

Like many boys, I was not that interested in hearing other people’s warnings or advice.  I had the tendency of getting into mischief, which grew over the years.  One of the things that used to happen in my family, being raised by a leadership professor, who was not yet guru status, along with my mom who is a PhD, was how I was disciplined.  I used to yearn to be punished like the kids down the street when they got into trouble, where they got restrictions, or grounded, or additional chores, because my punishment was having to sit at the table and talk with my parents about how my behavior was incongruent with the stated family values. 

            What my parents would talk about is not what a kid wants to discuss.  They’d ask, “What were you thinking?  What results were you expected from that action?”  I remember these conversations would make me feel guilty, but what they were trying to do was to teach me to be more thoughtful about my actions.  Their thoughts and words had a lot of power on me as a young kid.  The final blow was that my parents would ask, “What are you aiming for in life?” 

I knew that if I didn’t come up with a pretty good answer, I wasn’t getting up from the table.  So I’d say that “I wanted to go to Cornell University” where they went.   Then I’d add, “I want to be successful, and have a family, and take time in the summer like you two do;” pretty much a manifestation of success.  The question was never, “Are you going to go to college” but rather, “Which college do you want to attend and what will be your major?” 

I knew that I had to answer their questions, so after I did my dad would say.  “I’m glad you know where you’re going.  But if that’s where you’re going, looking at your actions today, that are going in an entirely different direction; how are the actions of today going to get you where you want?”

            That’s the same question I ask leaders of companies today.  If you’re clear about your vision, but your actions are taking you a different direction, show me how these actions will take you where you want to go.  I ask my kids the same question.  My kids are avid about their dreams, but I as a father, I want to help them align their actions with where they want to go.  There’s value in thinking big and setting goals, but there’s even more value in helping people take steps in those directions.

I’m amazed how many people have developed the idea that life is easy and success is a given and doesn’t require hard work, that you don’t have to think things through long term and step up your daily activities to achieve those things.  The people who are successful in life understand the connection between hard and smart work and where they’re going.  My grandpa used to say that if you want to be successful in life, you only have to work half a day.  You choose whether it’s a first twelve hours or the second twelve hours.  (Scott Blanchard)

Tip of the Month

How do you discipline young leaders that teach them consequences without diminishing their spirit?  Leaders by nature have a non-compliant streak in them that you don't want to extinguish.  Here’s an idea for coaching decision-making skills in your young leader, fashioned after the example you read above, regarding Ken and Scott Blanchard.  The goal of developing a leader is not to punish bad behavior as much as it is to teach self-discipline that includes considering the consequences attached to the choices made.  Instead of shaming, consider what Ken Blanchard did with Scott, asking your child, almost devoid of emotion, what s/he intended to accomplish with the said behavior.  The more you’re able to empower your leader to take responsibility for the consequences that result from a choice or behavior, the better you’ll teach responsible leading.  Adult leaders who never learned this are the ones who make decisions that seem disconnected from consequences.  You’re tempted to ask, “What were you thinking?”  Whether it’s Enron’s Skilling, Bernie Madoff, or any number of other recent headliners, getting leaders to consider their choices early results in long term benefits.  Don’t try for short term conformity.  This requires a different approach to parenting.  (Adapted from Dr. Nelson’s forthcoming book, KidLead: Growing Great Leaders.)

Three basic ingredients needed to constitute a “leadership” situation:

1.       There is a clear task or goal in mind.  The better the leader, the fewer the details you'll want to provide because leaders like to figure it out on their own and it teaches more about strategic thinking.

2.       There are at least two other people involved on the “team.” There are many great life skills, but leading is about helping others achieve together.  With 3 people there's the potential for triangulation which is more challenging then merely "leading" one other.

3.       The objective involves initiating an action, causing change, or setting a new direction, not just perpetuating an ongoing process.  Leadership is primarily about change, so what is it you want to have accomplished that is not merely continuing what someone else has begun?

• You decide what we’re going to eat.
• Do we have the right ingredients? If not, how will you go about making sure we do?
• When will we be eating? You’ll need to check everyone’s schedule.
• Where will we eat?
• Who’s in charge of cooking?
• Who’s setting the table?
• Who’s in charge of clean-up?
• Who is going to be involved in the process: “the team”
• Who will do what, how, and by when?

The 4th element to make it "stick" is a debrief time with your child.  Here are some good questions to help the young leader reflect on his/her experience and unpack the various elements involved in effective leading.

• How did the team do in working together?
• Were the right people doing the right things?
• What did the leader do that was helpful?
• What could the leader do next time to be more effective?

*This is an excerpt from the book: KidLead "Growing Great Leaders" by Dr. Nelson